Recently I have these fits of fevered daydreaming where I trash everything I own, shave my head, and put two bullets in the engine block of my truck....then I simply walk away. Mental manifestations of my recent frustration with ..well....everything. A nagging desire to shed my current situation.
This was interview number two. Job offer number two. Gracious refusal by me...number two. Thanks but no thanks. Just one more disappointment in a long string of disappointments eight months long. Another good opportunity that just does not fit the mental archetype I have of my career. This last offer was refused because of the location. The money is good, as long as you don't mind living in the stone age. (I can't move my wife to the middle of nowhere. She may attack and then eat me out of sheer boredom.) This will also be the second time that I have to sit with BOTH sets of parents (as well as my Father in Ohio) and explain why it would not work. Dear God I feel like such a failure. I can hear it in their voices...the disappointment. I can hear it masked in encouraging phrases. "Something will work out soon." Every syllable hurts.
How do people survive being unemployed for years? I have only been out of a job for a month and I am bashing my head against the walls. I am getting tired of worrying over five bucks and how it is spent. I am just plain tired.
